[whenonlagain]

An beldam says to the cemetery attendant:
"Excuse me sir, where is the tomb 7 in row 5?"
The attendant answers:
"Well, secretly climb from the grave and then you can't find the way back home!"

[ardija]

A teacher asked one of her pupils, "Can you name our nation's capital?"
The reply was, "Washington DC!"
When asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"

[Milee]

Congratulations ardija, you win again

[whenonlagain]

"So, Manfred" the teacher in Mathclass says "Your father walks with 4km/h from Munich to Augsburg. Your uncle starts an hour later. He walks with 5 km/h. Where do they meet eachother?"
Manfred says instantly: "In the next bar, of course"

[WD4080]

Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!'"
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it in her handbag.
The other woman, shocked, screamed, " Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!"
The second woman replied, " Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth much more than a stockbroker!!"

[mlpvalley]

ok this is a Dutch joke so I hope I translated it right:

A guy stops at a gas station, as he starts filling his car the tenant comes out. He looks on the back seat and sees 2 penguins.
"Sir you have 2 penguins on your back seat!" The guy looks and says "Yeah your right, what should I do with them?"
"Bring them to the zoo" the tenant says. The guy nods in approval. "Yeah I'll do that!"

Two weeks later the same guy stops at the same gas station, and again starts to fill his car. The same tenant comes out and looks in the back. Again he sees the 2 penguins, but this time they have a little bucket with a shovel and sunglasses on. "Sir" the tenant says "I though you were going to take them to the zoo."
"Yes" the guy says "and now I'm taking them to the beach!"

[Milee]

Welcome mlpvalley! You translated just fine . Love to see new people come on board .

[Milee]

You guys made the judging difficult this week because the jokes were all good . We still have to have a winner, so it's going to be whenonlagain!

Of-course that means your in the big contest at the end of the month, congratulations !

One week left this month, so everyone get your jokes in

[whenonlagain]

Two farmer @ regulars' table:
One says: "I had to mark all my animals with a ring in left ear last week.
It was really far to much work!"
Second says: "Oh I know, you have many cows, pigs and sheeps"
First says: "Well, yes, but the worst was the bees"

[Milee]

Here's another that doesn't count .


A Police STOP at 2 AM
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

[ardija]

Teacher : Today we will read Shakespeare’s Hamlet.
Class : But sir, our class has already finished reading Hamlet.
Teacher : Oh!? Is this room 2B or not 2B?

[Milee]

This weeks new winner is whenonlagain! Congratulations .

[ Added: Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:16 pm ]

[whenonlagain]

court hearing about custody battle:
The woman says: "I should get the child, cause I was in agony during her birth."
The referee say: "Thats true, any clashing of opinion?"
The man says: "Well, honest judge. If you put a coin in a soda machine and get a coke. Who does that belong to? Is it yours or the one of the machine... "

[Milee]

Here's another one that doesn't count:

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..'

And they say blondes are dumb.

[mourlimousin]

a new short story
hope it will be pleased fo you\

-----------
a mother and daughter talk themselves,
- Look, the mother says to her daughter,
If you are wise, you'll go to heaven,
and if you do not behave well, you'll go to hell.
- And what should I do to go to the circus?
-------------------------

mourlimousin

[ Added: Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:55 pm ]

a new one if you pleased
----------------------------------
- Mom, Mom, the cabinet has fallen!
- My God, you must tell your father!
- He already knows, it is below.
--------------------------------

see you
mourlimousin

[ Added: Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:55 pm ]

a third one for your smiles
-------------------------------------------
Two Martians are stopped at a red light.
The light turns green. One of them exclaims:
"You saw, he gave me a wink !"
--------------------------
for your pleasure and your WE
see you
Mourlimousin

[ardija]

Q: Why are baseball players so rich?
A: Because they play on diamonds!

[Milee]

Thanks everyone! This weeks new winner is Mourlimousin (your first joke) . Congratulations


Here's another to start off the week (doesn't count)


A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says:

Dear Sir,
Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint.

The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads:

Dear Sir,
We have TRIED our very BEST.
Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts.


Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your a** and go as a caramel apple.

Very truly yours,
Acme Costume Co.

[WD4080]

Another attempt.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the market, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock by, " Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, " No madam, they're dead."

[mourlimousin]

hello on this new week a new short story, if you pleased
------------------------------------
A woman comes into the kitchen and sees her husband with a fly swatter ...
- What are you doing?
He replies:
- I chase the flies ...
- Have you killed some?
- Yes, 3 males, 2 females
Intrigued, she asked:
- How do you differentiate between females and males?
He replies:
- 3 were on the can of beer, two on the phone
------------------------------------


see you


mourlimousin

[ Added: Mon Nov 07, 2011 9:32 am ]

i try an another one from Vancouver, a bit longer but cute i think

-------------------------------------------------------------
A mother and a baby camel camel discuss things of life:
- Mom, why is it that I have these huge feet with three toes?
The mother camel answered:
- Well, is not to sink, when crossing the vast desert.
- Oh ... Okay, says the son.
A few minutes later the son asks again:
- Mom, why is it that I have such long eyebrows?
- These are the eyebrows to prevent sand moving under the eyelids, during sandstorms.
- Ah agree mom answers the son.
A little later, the little camel asks again :
- Hey Mom, why do we have this big lump on the back?
The mother camel, bored by all these questions answered:
- The bump we used to store water for our long runs in the desert. is thanks to her we can go without drinking for several tens of days!
- i agree Mom: I understand, we have very wide feet so as not to sink into the sand, long eyebrows for not having eyes irritated by the sand, and a hump in order to store the water during long races in the desert ... But, Mom, tell me one thing ...
- Yes, my son?
- What are we doing here, in the Vancouver Zoo?
----------------------------------

see you


Mourlimousin

[gratix]

So funny