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Moved by: DemonicJ
Fri Dec 09, 2011 12:00 am
Laughter is the best medicine
Author Message
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:17 am   

We have a winner! Congratulations WD4080 :grin: .

Here's another joke to start off the week (doesn't count) :mrgreen: .


THE BEST NON PARTISAN POLITICAL JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!!

A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
"How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "About a gallon".
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
WD4080 
Gamer

Joined: 15 Aug 2011
Posts: 9
Location: United States
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:09 am   

Milee, you have the best jokes I read so far! :mrgreen:
Thanks for picking me as the winner last week.
_________________
The MOB Doing It GOOD!
 
     
whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:35 am   new week new joke

atomic fission made easy:
Give it to your wife and say: "Don't break it"
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:58 pm   

Your welcome WD4080 and thank you :mrgreen: .



We have a new winner! Congratulations to whenonlagain :grin: !
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:33 pm   new week new joke

Jesus walks in the desert and sees an old man.

Jesus asks: "Why are you alone in the desert?"
Old man says: "I am searching for my son."
Jesus asks: "Can you describe him, maybe I have seen him."
Old man says: "Well, he have nails in both hands and his feet."
Jesus says: "Father!"
Old man says: "Pinocchio!"
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 9:23 pm   

Not so much a joke but still ...

HOW TO COOK A TURKEY:
First, buy the turkey and a bottle of whiskey. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey and put the turkey in the oven. Take another 2 drinks of whiskey, and set the degree at 375 ovens. Have 3 more whiskeys of drink and turn the oven on. Take 4 whisks of drinky and turk the bastey. Stick a turkey in the thermometer, and glass yourself a pour of whiskey. Bake the whiskey for 4 hours, take the oven out of the turkey, and floor the turkey up off the pick. Pour yourself another glass of turkey. Now just tet the sable, and turk the carvey! =)
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:50 pm   

That's perfect Jeanne because today is Thanksgiving :lol: !

[ Added: Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:21 pm ]
Congratulations to this weeks winner whenonlagain :lol: !

[ Added: Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:38 pm ]
Here's another joke for the week (doesn't count) :mrgreen: .

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:50 am   

Two mothers of teenage daughters talking:
first says: "I am at the end of my nerves. I am done with the whole life. My daughter doesnt talk to me anymore."
second says: "Me too. Cause my daughter tells me everything!"
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:05 am   

Congratulations to November's big winner whenonlagain ! Good job :grin: !



whenonlagain wrote:
Jesus walks in the desert and sees an old man.

Jesus asks: "Why are you alone in the desert?"
Old man says: "I am searching for my son."
Jesus asks: "Can you describe him, maybe I have seen him."
Old man says: "Well, he have nails in both hands and his feet."
Jesus says: "Father!"
Old man says: "Pinocchio!"
!
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
PaiGow 
Gamer Legend

Age: 112
Joined: 01 Dec 2008
Posts: 128
Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:37 am   

I really don't participate much in these contests, but I'll try one time...

There once was a dynasty with a 50K click contest...

The end. :neutral:
_________________
PaiGow
 
     
DemonicJ 
Site Admin
The Mob Emperor


Age: 51
Joined: 13 Jan 2006
Posts: 1541
Location: Australia
Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:53 am   

PaiGow wrote:
I really don't participate much in these contests, but I'll try one time...

There once was a dynasty with a 50K click contest...

The end. :neutral:


Thats no joke & the contest still stands for The Mob. Will take a bit of time to replace the members that were actively invited to leave the mob & join another dynasty, but The Mob is working on that & has the support of its allies while doing that. In the mean time, while we rebuild, we are enjoying seeing our allies do well as our alliance isnt about one team only.

Sorry Click Busters for someones poor attempt to hijack your thread while taking a cheap shot at The Mob, but there just is no helping some people.

Since im here let me add a Joke


the joke is;

PaiGow :lol:
_________________
Do it Legit. You break the rules, don't expect a pleasant outcome

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

Proudly the Emperor of The MOB. The oldest surviving & most successful large dynasty
 
     
Ferrari 
Gamer God


Age: 56
Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1937
Location: Netherlands
Posted: Sat Dec 03, 2011 12:22 pm   

Lol and the winner is Demonic this time :lol:
_________________
Love me just the way I am
 
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:53 am   

Congratulations to this weeks winner (again) whenonlagain :wink: !

You win by default being the only entry. This is sad that only one person had a joke to tell :sad: . Does anyone have any ideas on how to make this 'contest' more interesting and bring more people in??? Do we need bigger winnings or expansion to include other dynasties?? I'm open to suggestions :razz: .

I almost forgot. Here's another joke to start the new week (doesn't count):

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN

[ Added: Thu Dec 08, 2011 7:13 pm ]
Welcome To Our New Family Members :grin:

All of you are welcome to enter the Joke contests. We have weekly winners for 150 credits and monthly winners (best of the weekly winners) for 900 credits. One winner per week and one monthly winner. Good luck to all :mrgreen:
.
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:24 pm   

Ferrari wrote:
Lol and the winner is Demonic this time :lol:


ROFL I second that :grin:


Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public. Some are genuinely mad.
Last edited by Jeanne on Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:35 pm; edited 1 time in total  
 
     
whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:31 pm   lets start the contest ;)

"Why do you cut something off the newspaper?" ask the waiter his guest cause its the newspaper of the tavern.
The guest answers: "Sorry for that, but there is an article about a man how killed his wife because she is constantly looking through his suit pockets."
The waiter ask further: "Yes, but what do you want to do with it?"
"Thats simple" the guest answer "I put it in my pocket."
 
     
DisturbedAngel 
n00b


Age: 32
Joined: 10 Dec 2011
Posts: 4
Posted: Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:00 am   

I'm not sure if this is going to count as a joke, but it should get some lols.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I cannot accept,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they ticked me off.
_________________
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:23 am   

Congratulations to this weeks new winner DisturbedAngel :grin: !

It was a pretty good one and 'joke' just means anything funny. Your now entered into the monthly contest with winners picked on the 1st of each following month!

Here's another one to start off the week (doesn't count):

WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)
:razz:
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
DisturbedAngel 
n00b


Age: 32
Joined: 10 Dec 2011
Posts: 4
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:30 am   

Wow, I won? Awesome! Thanks guys. :)

I don't have any really big ones, but I do have a few smaller ones.

We can't make the stupid people go away-who would we have to laugh at when they fall down?

Lord, please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.

I would love to have a battle of wits with you...but you appear to be unarmed.

3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... anther playing football and the third one was caught reading this text message.

I told my physiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Don't knock on Death's door. Instead, ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.

Duct Tape is Like the Force...It has A light side or dark side and it holds the universe together.

That's all I've got for now. I hope you get a lol from some of them. :)
_________________
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:47 pm   

There will be a Christmas bonus of an extra 100 credits to make a even 1000 to the December winner. Get your funny jokes, sayings, or stories into the contest. Deadline is Dec. 31st with the winner of the monthly picked on Jan. 1st! That gives an extra entry date for the monthly pick.


Because the 31st falls on a Sat., there will also be a weekly winner picked a day early on Jan. 1st (Sun. instead of Mon.) and we'll start a new week on Sun. this time only. That means you can post new jokes for the week starting on Sun. the 1st of Jan.
:grin: .
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
orcachick2005 
Hardcore Gamer


Age: 37
Joined: 02 Feb 2011
Posts: 30
Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 9:01 pm   

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
furious.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.
_________________
Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
Refrigerator
 
     
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