Please guys remember the CoC and that we have children on the site, keep the jokes clean and above the belt before the admins have to close the thread on us.
Joined: 09 Jun 2008 Posts: 241 Location: North Carolina, USA
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:37 pm
Here's another to get you laughing--doesn't count:
When the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, a wife kept hinting to her husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make the point. When her husband arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."
A woman found her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
Joined: 15 Aug 2011 Posts: 9 Location: United States
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:20 pm
REMOVED
Sorry guys the admins are giving me warnings for these type of jokes ... KEEP THEM CLEAN PLEASE
Jeanne
[ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:56 pm ]
How old are these supposed CHILDREN
And how many of them are there
My joke wasn't a lewd nasty joke.
No 900 for me!
[ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:58 pm ] AND IT WAS FUNNY, TOO BAD YOU MISSED IT!!!!!!!!
There are kids down to 11 yrs old here, just keep the jokes above the belt and all can have fun
Jeanne
_________________ The MOB Doing It GOOD!
Last edited by Jeanne on Fri Sep 23, 2011 11:37 pm; edited 3 times in total
Age: 74 Joined: 17 Mar 2008 Posts: 67 Location: Montana USA
Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:28 pm
Here is one of my favorites (doesn't count):
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables;
and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed
from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more
after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"
"The same people who would give the name Jesus to a Rottweiler."
_________________ I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
Age: 74 Joined: 17 Mar 2008 Posts: 67 Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:51 pm
Here's one that doesn't count:
Surprise
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.
Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps
away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair
and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.
Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently
unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman,
"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid
under the table.
The woman calmly looked up at her and said,
"No, he didn't. He just walked in."
_________________ I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
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