[thepossum1]

Here's another that doesn't count:


A scruffy bum applied for the position of wine taster at an exclusive winery. Unable to devise a way to get rid of the bum, the owner decided to test him. He tasted the first glass of wine and pronounced, "It's a red wine, a nice muscat, three years old, grown on a north-facing slope, matured in steel containers." "Why, that's right," said the surprised owner and handed him another glass. The bum announced, "This is a cabernet, eight years old, grown on a southwestern slope, and aged in oak barrels." "Correct again," said the owner. He gave him a third glass. "This is Champagne, a little fruity, but quite worthwhile." The owner was astonished. He whispered to his secretary, who left and returned a few minutes later with another glass. The bum tasted it, winced, and said, "This is urine, from a 26-year-old blond, three months pregnant and, if you don't give me the job, I'm gonna name the father!"

[Milee]

You guys are getting better at this .

[Jeanne]

A mans idea of a 7 course meal?
A hot dog and a 6-pack.

[Milee]

Try not to let your mind wander....It is too small and fragile to be out by itself. (doesn't count)

[ardija]

The plane preparing to take off, but began to run down the runway, immediately froze up.
Finally start moving after an hour, take off safely.
Passenger "What had stopped an hour why?"
flight attendant "the captain said is from abnormalities of the engine can not ignore."
Passengers "Oh. Have you already solved?"
flight attendant "Yes. so we replaced the captain."

[Milee]

Our new winner this week is ardija . Congratulations!

[whenonlagain]

Petrus and God agree on only take someone in heaven who died in a really spectacular dead.

It knocks on heavensdoor and Petrus say: "Only remarkable cases!"

The deceased say: "Listen: I always thought, that my wife cheat me. So I quit work 3 hours earlier then normal, jump up the seven levels to our flat, opened the door, browse all rooms and find a guy hanging on balustrade of our balcony.
I used a hammer to hit him on his fingers and he fall down... but he fall on a bush and is still alive.
So I went in kitchen took the fridge and throw it down on him.
I got him but was so keen, that I got a heartattack."

Petrus: "Approved, come in"

Short after that it knocks on the door again and Petrus says: "Only remarkable cases!"

"No problem" the deceased say "I did my daily exercise on my balcony, stumble across a stupid stool and fell down.
I thought I have to die now but had much luck and could steady the railing one level under my suite.
I get excited and thankfull till a crazy guy came and knock with a hammer on my fingers...
I cant describe the feeling when I noticed that I am still alive and unwounded.
But when I take a look in the air to my balcony I see a falling fridge that hit me and here I am..."

Petrus: "Approved, come in"

Right at this moment there is another knock on the heavensdoor and Petrus say "Only remarkable cases!"

The deceased say: "Well, I dont know, I was just sitting -after a really hot adultery- totally naked in a fridge..."

[ardija]

a man was driving his car and went through a red light.
A police-man saw him and blew his whistle. The car stopped.
The policeman walked over to the driver and said,"Didn't you see that red light?"
And the driver said, "Yes, I saw it." So the policeman said, "Well, why didn't you stop?"
And the driver said,"Because I didn't see you."

[Dustydragon]

Oh I thought I would play for the fun of it
*huggles*

....

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife. He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."

The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.

He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

...

[thepossum1]

Welcome dustydragon--the more the merrier!!


Here's another that doesn't count:

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

[Milee]

This was a tough one this week. Everyone was very good. We decided that whenonlagain is the winner, YAAAH .

[thepossum1]

Here's one to start the week--doesn't count for contest:

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."

Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"

"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go."

Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."

[borracho]

An apparent Drunken Cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a
posh Amarillo Theater.

When the Usher came by and noticed him, he whispered to the Cowboy,

"Sorry, Sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The Cowboy just groaned but didn't even budge.

The Usher became more impatient and insistent: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The Usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but without success. He just laid there in a dazed stupor.

Finally they had enough and summoned the police.

A Texas Ranger arrived, surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
"Alright buddy what's your name?"

"Sam," the Cowboy moaned.

Where y’all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger.

With terrible pain in his voice, a grim expression and without moving a muscle, Sam said,



"The Balcony."

[Milee]

Hello Busters! There are some very good jokes in this thread and we would like to expand on the current weekly contest to also include a monthly one with a higher payout:

1. Weekly contest winners - 150 credits

2. Monthly contest winners - 900 credits

The weekly contest doesn't change, but at the end of the month (judging done on the 1st of the following month) we will take all the weekly winners from that month and judge again on the best joke given between winners.

We're right now in the middle of the month, so the monthly won't start until the 1st of October and the judging for that month will be on November 1st. This will continue on each month.

Hopefully this will get more people involved. Nothing better to start the day then sitting down with a cup of coffee/tea and reading a joke thread .

I must remind everyone that anyone can post a joke (it's all good), but only Busters can be in the contest (for now anyway).

Good luck to all !!!

P.S. I forgot to add that Busters in the contest can only enter one joke per week. Non Busters can post as many as they want

[Ferrari]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

[whenonlagain]

Keep the jokes family friendly

[ardija]

When mother reads the book called "the story of beautiful love", the younger sister of the primary schoolchild "shows" it and.
Mother "is still early for you"
A younger sister "is already late for mom"

[whenonlagain]

A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don talk about their age. Youll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "Thats another thing women don talk about. Youll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friends house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mothers conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mothers drivers license. Its just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You are 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an F in sex."

[Ferrari]

[DemonicJ]