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Moved by: DemonicJ
Fri Dec 09, 2011 12:00 am
Laughter is the best medicine
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whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:53 pm   

lol
"bypass a word filter"...
NOOOO! I did not write the whole word cause I dont want that the children get the meaning!!

Lag I removed that sentence.

Jeanne
Last edited by Jeanne on Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:59 pm; edited 1 time in total  
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:58 pm   

Ferrari wrote:
whenonlagain wrote:
Keep the jokes family friendly


OMG its a joke, sorry I will not disturb any longer in this topic....sighhh


Marga it wasn't Lag who said that, it was Jay saying it to Lag, your jokes are still welcome.
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:10 am   

Congratulations whenonlagain , your this weeks new winner :grin: .
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
thepossum1 
Gamer God


Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Posts: 241
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:01 am   

Congrats again lag!

New one for this week--doesn't count:

If Life Were Like A Computer:

You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel.

You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it!

You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings.

You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy.

You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys.

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!
 
     
ardija 
Gamer

Joined: 04 Sep 2011
Posts: 10
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:52 pm   

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. :shock:
 
     
whenonlagain 
Gamer Deity

Joined: 29 Apr 2010
Posts: 69
Posted: Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:55 pm   

Two elefants see a naked man for the first time.
One says: "How will he get his food in the mouth?"
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:08 am   

Please guys remember the CoC and that we have children on the site, keep the jokes clean and above the belt before the admins have to close the thread on us.
 
     
thepossum1 
Gamer God


Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Posts: 241
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:37 pm   

Here's another to get you laughing--doesn't count:

When the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, a wife kept hinting to her husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make the point. When her husband arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks."
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:07 pm   

:lol: :lol: :lol: Good one!! Where do these come from? I've yet to see any that I've heard before :lol: .
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 7:48 pm   

A woman found her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
 
     
WD4080 
Gamer

Joined: 15 Aug 2011
Posts: 9
Location: United States
Posted: Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:20 pm   

REMOVED
Sorry guys the admins are giving me warnings for these type of jokes ... KEEP THEM CLEAN PLEASE

Jeanne


[ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:56 pm ]
How old are these supposed CHILDREN :?:
And how many of them are there :?:
My joke wasn't a lewd nasty joke.
No 900 for me! :cry:

[ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:58 pm ]
AND IT WAS FUNNY, TOO BAD YOU MISSED IT!!!!!!!!

There are kids down to 11 yrs old here, just keep the jokes above the belt and all can have fun :wink:
Jeanne
_________________
The MOB Doing It GOOD!
Last edited by Jeanne on Fri Sep 23, 2011 11:37 pm; edited 3 times in total  
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:28 pm   

Here is one of my favorites (doesn't count):


A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables;
and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed
from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more
after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked
the light on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The same people who would give the name Jesus to a Rottweiler."
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
thepossum1 
Gamer God


Joined: 09 Jun 2008
Posts: 241
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posted: Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:08 am   

Milee wrote:
:lol: :lol: :lol: Good one!! Where do these come from? I've yet to see any that I've heard before :lol: .


lol Google is my friend...and I swipe from friends' Facebook posts. haha
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:30 am   

Congratulations to our mighty Emp. Jeanne in this weeks joke contest :mrgreen: . We have a winner :!:
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:29 am   

Uhhh wee I won :)

Mom always said never go through a woman's purse ..... until you're at least 3 blocks away :razz:
 
     
Pink 
n00b

Age: 30
Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 1
Posted: Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:55 am   

Might as well, since I did bother to join this forum (although there's not much else going on. :\)

Heard this one recently:

What do you call a physic midget that has escaped from prison?

A small medium at large.
 
     
ardija 
Gamer

Joined: 04 Sep 2011
Posts: 10
Posted: Sat Oct 08, 2011 9:31 pm   

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'

"Twenty-six," he said. :roll:
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:45 am   

Congratulations! This weeks winner is ardija :mrgreen:

You are now entered into the monthly (Oct.) contest for 900 credits. Good luck :mrgreen: !
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
Jeanne 
Gamer God
Unique


Joined: 05 Sep 2008
Posts: 421
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:07 pm   

What's the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs never turn into men when drunk :razz:
 
     
Milee 
Gamer Deity


Age: 73
Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Posts: 67
Location: Montana USA
Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:51 pm   

Here's one that doesn't count:


Surprise



A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps
away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair
and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his
chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently
unaware her dining companion had disappeared.


The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman,
"Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid
under the table.

The woman calmly looked up at her and said,
"No, he didn't. He just walked in." :grin:
_________________
I used to have a handle on life.....but it broke off.
 
     
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