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Perdy's Humor
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Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 10:52 pm   Perdy's Humor

I love humor and life's Idiosyncrasies ... Everyone should add humor to each day so i am posting some of mine in hopes that it makes someone smile...or think :)

Why, Why, Why ...

do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

W hy is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you att empt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE. .....
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Wed Jan 17, 2007 8:00 pm   

todays joke :)

One wish





A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
Clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because
You have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one
Wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
Over any time I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous
Challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach
The bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will
Nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for
Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
Think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I
Wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels
Inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why
She cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can
Make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge
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Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
Stray 
Hardcore Gamer


Joined: 11 Jun 2005
Posts: 26
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 5:44 am   

Lol... a bit of a macho joke... :-P

This was my favorite, I do it alot!

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
 
 
bella
Gamers Alliance mod

Joined: 26 Nov 2004
Posts: 217
Posted: Tue Jan 30, 2007 11:18 pm   

why do we sit there refreshing the screen all the time in the hope that suddenly more links will appear??

well actually that one DOES happen :B
 
 
xavius
Gamer

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:46 am   

Funny stuff perdy :D
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xavius
Gamer

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 1:57 am   

why do people always reach past the first piece of bread as if there is something wrong with it?
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Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:24 am   

lmao people ... lol

so true :)

OK...next, one of lifes lessons :)

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! To anyone with kids of any age, here's some advice.

Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity . Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
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Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
xavius
Gamer

Joined: 17 Jan 2007
Posts: 6
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 5:54 am   

Perdyfly wrote:
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.


This rule doesn't apply to me as I am a nerd.

/bow

I rule :twisted: watch out Microsoft im comin' to steal your software model :shock:
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Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:03 am   

Perdy bows before the nerd...

(holds out hand waiting for the company cell phone, car and cash) ;)
_________________
Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Thu Feb 01, 2007 8:03 pm   

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%



and


K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ******* kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the ********** and ******* kissing that will put you over the top

~CHEERS~ :D
_________________
Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
stulax18
Hardcore Gamer


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 27
Posted: Fri Feb 02, 2007 3:16 am   

so true...so true...
 
 
 
Perdyfly
Gamer Legend

Joined: 20 Sep 2004
Posts: 144
Posted: Tue Feb 06, 2007 8:12 pm   

You find out interesting things when you have sons, like...

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4- year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will copy/paste this and pass it on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
_________________
Pride is a personal commitment. It is an attitude which separates excellence from mediocrity
 
 
stulax18
Hardcore Gamer


Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 27
Posted: Wed Feb 07, 2007 7:18 am   

im thinking about number 25 lol. i made my own today, we study history in school but we dont study the future. It seems like the future could be more important and more interesting. by the way, if you live in Austin, go by the Burger House that just opened, my dad has some money in it :D
 
 
 
jakeg23
n00b

Joined: 19 Feb 2007
Posts: 1
Posted: Mon Feb 19, 2007 10:07 am   

ROLF .... Nice jokes Perdy :)
 
 
Dorian 
Hardcore Gamer


Joined: 19 Nov 2007
Posts: 22
Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 10:54 pm   

Perdyfly wrote:

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.


yeah, pretty much, considering i know i am going to try that :mrgreen:
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