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  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sun Feb 05, 2012 8:03 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
You looked like a blond in your picture :mrgreen: !

[ Added: Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:04 pm ]
whenonlagain wrote:

There is a hotel on fire in spain.

The fireworkers hold a life net and the first tourist jump out of his window.
Right before the tourist fell in, the fireworkers pull the rescue net away and scream "Olé!"

The second tourist jumps and they do it again with a loud "Olé!"

The third tourist is from austria and shout:
"I dont trust you! Lay it down and all of you two steps back!"



Congratulations to you whenonlagin for being the weeks winner :lol: ! Good going!
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:09 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
Heili wrote:

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.



Congratulations Heili, your January's big winner :grin: !!!


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I couldn't resist, this ones for you Jeanne :mrgreen: :


A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"
  Topic: The Mob's Milestones
Milee

Replies: 30
Views: 15454
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 12:01 am   Subject: The Mob's Milestones
Good going Mobsters :mrgreen: :!:
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:05 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
Heili wrote:
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.



Congratulations Heili for being the weeks new winner :grin: !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's another to start the new week:


The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History: Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"
She sees a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright Japanese foreign exchange student , who has his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he says.

'Very good!' Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'
Again, no response except from Little Akio: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'.

'Excellent!', says the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more difficult... ' Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?'
Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he says: 'John F. Kennedy, 1961'.

At this point, the teacher snaps at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.' She hears a loud whisper: 'F_ _ k the Japs,'. 'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded.
Little Akio puts his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.'

At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right!!! Now who said that!?'
Again, Little Akio says, 'George H. W. Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.'

Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? ******* this!'
Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!'

Now with almost mob hysteria someone says, 'You little s--t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.'
Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.'

The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone says, 'Oh s--t, We're screwed!'
Little Akio says quietly, 'The American people, November 4, 2008!'
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:45 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
whenonlagain wrote:
The minister of the interior in germany made an order that only new police officers will be appointed that have knowledge of foreign languages.

Thats the job interview:
Auditor: "Do you speak english ?"
1. Applicant: "Häää???" --> Failed

Auditor: "Do you speak english ?"
2. Applicant: "Häää???" --> Failed

Auditor: "Do you speak english ?"
3. Applicant: "Oh yes, I do"
Auditor: "Häää???"



Congratulations to whenonlagin for being this weeks winner :lol:


-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's one to start off the week:

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.
He said they love animals very much.
I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders."
Guess where I am now...
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:38 pm   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
luckystar wrote:
I have no good jokes :(



Try getting them from off the net. I've gotten almost all of mine from e-mails that friends have sent me :grin: . It doesn't even have to be a 'joke', just something with humor.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[ Added: Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:54 pm ]
Congratulations whenonlagain, your this weeks winner :lol: !


"
Quote:

An internist says to his charge: "I am sorry, but I am not able to find a reason for your disease. Maybe its caused of the alcohol."
The patient answers: "Well, OK, then I will be back if you are dry again."
  Topic: Happy New Years!
Milee

Replies: 1
Views: 1987
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 7:42 am   Subject: Happy New Years!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL !! :mrgreen:
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:19 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
orcachick2005 wrote:

In a small Midwestern town, an enterprising businessman started construction on a new building to house a strip club he hoped to open, feeling there was a high demand for such a business in the town. The local church vehemently disagreed and, fearing for the souls of everyone in their town, started a campaign to block the strip club from opening with petitions and prayers.

Work progressed right up until the week before opening when lightning struck the building and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the strip club owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this case. It appears that we have a strip club owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."


Congratulations Orca, your this weeks winner :grin: !!

Congratulations for also being Decembers big winner :!: Good job :mrgreen:

orcachick2005 wrote:

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh, "let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."


[ Added: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:55 pm ]
No jokes for the week, so no winners :cry: .

[ Added: Mon Jan 09, 2012 3:00 pm ]
Okay everyone, let's start off another week with a funny :lol: :


"The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends----if they're okey, then it's you."
  Topic: Congrats to Frat
Milee

Replies: 6
Views: 3775
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Tue Dec 27, 2011 9:34 pm   Subject: Congrats to Frat
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!! I was there in spirit :smile: . I'm so lost without my computer :cry: .
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 12:11 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
Congratulations to this weeks new winner (again) orcachick2005. Great joke :lol: .

orcachick2005 wrote:

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh, "let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2011 3:02 am   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
Jeanne wrote:
What was man trying to do when he discovered we can milk a cow?



Maybe his mother cut him off the breast to soon :shock: .




[ Added: Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:53 pm ]
orcachick2005 wrote:
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
furious.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.



This was a really tough one because the humor was great all the way around :lol: Congratulations to this weeks new winner orcachick2005 :mrgreen:


Here's another one to start the new week :grin: :

A little boy wanted
$100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .


Then he decided to
Write God a letter requesting the $100.00.



When The postal
Authorities received
The letter addressed to
God, USA
They decided to send it to
President Obama.



Obama was so amused that he
Instructed his secretary to send the little boy a
$5.00 bill.



He thought this would appear to
Be a lot of money to a little boy.



The little boy was delighted
With the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a
thank-you
Note to God, which read:



Dear God:
Thank you very much for sending the money However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through
Washington, D.C. and those
A**holes took $95.00 in taxes.
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2011 7:19 pm   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
DemonicJ wrote:
"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.


Kinda makes you wonder. I read that TV commercials are made to be understood at a 4th grade level. I can't even guess what a product warning like this is leveled at :???: . Good one Jay!
  Topic: color combination
Milee

Replies: 24
Views: 20092
 PostForum: Support - Ask here   Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 8:41 pm   Subject: color combination
Whatever you guys decide is alright....I'm easy (but not cheap :cool: ).
  Topic: color combination
Milee

Replies: 24
Views: 20092
 PostForum: Support - Ask here   Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 6:31 pm   Subject: color combination
It would be okay except that it's not the way I click. I use Snap Links and wouldn't take the time to pick through individual links if I only wanted to open a select color group. Yes, I would be able to see which links were action, non-action, etc., but it wouldn't matter or change the way I click.
  Topic: Mobsters!! Your next Challenge
Milee

Replies: 6
Views: 3769
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:11 am   Subject: Mobsters!! Your next Challenge
Glad you cleared that up :grin: !!
  Topic: color combination
Milee

Replies: 24
Views: 20092
 PostForum: Support - Ask here   Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:53 am   Subject: color combination
I think it would be nice if each day of the week had it's own color for all links. Colors that could easily be seen :???: .
  Topic: Mobsters!! Your next Challenge
Milee

Replies: 6
Views: 3769
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2011 3:24 am   Subject: Mobsters!! Your next Challenge
Jeanne wrote:
Darned I have to drop in avg to qualify? :shock:



Seriously?? I don't want to drop back :???: .
  Topic: Laughter is the best medicine
Milee

Replies: 136
Views: 166429
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:47 pm   Subject: Laughter is the best medicine
There will be a Christmas bonus of an extra 100 credits to make a even 1000 to the December winner. Get your funny jokes, sayings, or stories into the contest. Deadline is Dec. 31st with the winner of the monthly picked on Jan. 1st! That gives an extra entry date for the monthly pick.


Because the 31st falls on a Sat., there will also be a weekly winner picked a day early on Jan. 1st (Sun. instead of Mon.) and we'll start a new week on Sun. this time only. That means you can post new jokes for the week starting on Sun. the 1st of Jan. :grin: .
  Topic: New HTML code for our short notes
Milee

Replies: 6
Views: 4093
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 6:50 am   Subject: New HTML code for our short notes
Your a dear, thank you Jay :grin: !
  Topic: New HTML code for our short notes
Milee

Replies: 6
Views: 4093
 PostForum: The Mob   Posted: Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:17 am   Subject: New HTML code for our short notes
I don't have anything like that on my keyboard. What am I missing?
 
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