thepossum1 - Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:44 pm Post subject: Laughter is the best medicine Jeanne has suggested a thread with jokes, so here you go. RL can get you down, so let's have some good jokes to help keep things FUN!!!!! Jeanne - Sat Aug 13, 2011 2:07 pm Yes I love to laugh 
Post a joke here, you can post every day but 1 per day per person. The joke of the week (judged by Milee and Possum every Monday) wins 150 credits. So go on ... make us laugh 
whenonlagain - Sat Aug 13, 2011 9:23 pm Post subject: OK - let me be the first one: A couple sitting at the dinner. She dribbles the trousers and said: "Oh, I look like a pig" He says: "And you splattered, too!" Jeanne - Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:23 am He is so short his hair smell like feet. Ferrari - Sun Aug 14, 2011 8:48 am ( I know I am not in your dyn, and i dont need credits looool, this is Just For Fun) This one makes me smile , every time i hear it...... Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. But what does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes is silent for a moment. “Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!” WD4080 - Mon Aug 15, 2011 12:08 pm You are riding a horse at full speed, a giraffe is beside you, an elephant in front of you and a lion behind you. WHAT DO YOU DO? A. You get your drunk a** off the carousel!!! Milee - Mon Aug 15, 2011 9:35 pm This is a footnote for the contest. It will run Sunday to Sunday with judging being done by myself and the possum on Mondays. the judging will begin next Monday because we started in the middle of a week. Good luck everyone  .
thepossum1 - Tue Aug 16, 2011 11:29 pm Yay! Great start--thanks all for sharing. oops, forgot to add a joke of my own--DOES NOT COUNT IN CONTEST! A lady was walking down the street when she was a approached by a lady beggar asking for money.The lady took a $20 bill out of her purse, and asked “if I give you this money will you spend it on chocolate.” “Don’t be ridiculous” the beggar replied “does it look like I have nothing better to spend money on?” “How about shopping?” she asked. “No,” the beggar said, “don’t you understand I need money just to stay alive.” “Will you spend it on your hair?” the lady asked. Annoyed the beggar replied, “No, I just need money for food, and shelter. “In that case” the lady said “I don’t want to just give you money I would like you to eat out with me and my husband tonight.” “Why?” The beggar asked. “Well,”the lady said “I think it’s important for him to see what a lady looks like after she gives up chocolate, shopping, and hair appointments.” Jeanne - Sun Aug 21, 2011 7:14 am A bad joke? What do you call a mix between a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu? A Bull-Shiht 
whenonlagain - Mon Aug 22, 2011 8:06 am Post subject: new week new joke Father and son walk for the first time together on the hunt. the Father says: "Stay here and be quiet I'm going to other side of the field. " A few minutes later the father heard a scream, that blood bring to a halt and he runs back to his son. "What happened?" asks the father. "I told you, to be really silent. " The son replies, "Well listen, I have no beeps made as the snake slid over my feet. I was quite quiet when the bear was close behind me and has typed on my Shoulder. I have not moved a muscle as the Skunk climbed over my back. I stopped breathing and closed my eyes as the wasp stung me. I did not cough when I swallowed the gnat and I cursed myself as not even scratched the nettle itched. But when the two squirrels in my pants leg climbing up and one said to another, "Should we eat here or take home? " I'm sorry, but I simply lost my temper! " Milee - Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:03 am whenonlagain is the winner of this weeks joke contest! Everyone was great and a honorable mention goes to Ferrari . Thanks everyone!
thepossum1 - Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:29 am Congrats Lag! Here's another that doesn't count to get this week started: The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage. He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on." The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers." He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!" The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!" He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!" "And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude." Jeanne - Tue Aug 23, 2011 12:57 am and he asked: What can I do to make you believe me? Reduce my IQ 100 points, she replied 
Milee - Tue Aug 23, 2011 1:36 am Possum, I really like that one !
Jeanne - Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:33 am A follow up to my "bad" joke: How do you breed a Bulldog and a Shih Tzu? ..... Doggie-style
Milee - Mon Aug 29, 2011 5:59 pm Your our new winner this week Jeanne. Even bad jokes are good enough .
Jeanne - Mon Aug 29, 2011 6:50 pm LOL that's almost a joke in itself 
Well new week new joke: The blond put lipstick on her forehead cause she was told to make up her mind 
Milee - Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:33 pm Good one Jeanne  .
[ Added: Mon Aug 29, 2011 1:44 pm ] Alright, here's one bad one from me (doesn't count): Impotence: Nature's way of saying, "No hard feelings" .
Jeanne - Wed Aug 31, 2011 1:29 am Rofl
Heard in lobby: The closest he ever got to a desk job was sitting backwards on the toilet writing on the tank
whenonlagain - Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:32 pm One girl to another: "I made a pregnancy test yesterday" The other asks: "Were the questions hard?" thepossum1 - Thu Sep 01, 2011 3:45 pm Here's another that doesn't count: A scruffy bum applied for the position of wine taster at an exclusive winery. Unable to devise a way to get rid of the bum, the owner decided to test him. He tasted the first glass of wine and pronounced, "It's a red wine, a nice muscat, three years old, grown on a north-facing slope, matured in steel containers." "Why, that's right," said the surprised owner and handed him another glass. The bum announced, "This is a cabernet, eight years old, grown on a southwestern slope, and aged in oak barrels." "Correct again," said the owner. He gave him a third glass. "This is Champagne, a little fruity, but quite worthwhile." The owner was astonished. He whispered to his secretary, who left and returned a few minutes later with another glass. The bum tasted it, winced, and said, "This is urine, from a 26-year-old blond, three months pregnant and, if you don't give me the job, I'm gonna name the father!" Milee - Fri Sep 02, 2011 4:58 am You guys are getting better at this .
Jeanne - Fri Sep 02, 2011 6:03 pm A mans idea of a 7 course meal? A hot dog and a 6-pack. Milee - Fri Sep 02, 2011 8:11 pm Try not to let your mind wander....It is too small and fragile to be out by itself. (doesn't count)
ardija - Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:49 am Post subject: [Troubleshooting] The plane preparing to take off, but began to run down the runway, immediately froze up. Finally start moving after an hour, take off safely. Passenger "What had stopped an hour why?" flight attendant "the captain said is from abnormalities of the engine can not ignore." Passengers "Oh. Have you already solved?" flight attendant "Yes. so we replaced the captain." 
Milee - Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:49 am Our new winner this week is ardija . Congratulations!
whenonlagain - Wed Sep 07, 2011 9:55 am Post subject: one more - sorry about my english! Petrus and God agree on only take someone in heaven who died in a really spectacular dead. It knocks on heavensdoor and Petrus say: "Only remarkable cases!" The deceased say: "Listen: I always thought, that my wife cheat me. So I quit work 3 hours earlier then normal, jump up the seven levels to our flat, opened the door, browse all rooms and find a guy hanging on balustrade of our balcony. I used a hammer to hit him on his fingers and he fall down... but he fall on a bush and is still alive. So I went in kitchen took the fridge and throw it down on him. I got him but was so keen, that I got a heartattack." Petrus: "Approved, come in" Short after that it knocks on the door again and Petrus says: "Only remarkable cases!" "No problem" the deceased say "I did my daily exercise on my balcony, stumble across a stupid stool and fell down. I thought I have to die now but had much luck and could steady the railing one level under my suite. I get excited and thankfull till a crazy guy came and knock with a hammer on my fingers... I cant describe the feeling when I noticed that I am still alive and unwounded. But when I take a look in the air to my balcony I see a falling fridge that hit me and here I am..." Petrus: "Approved, come in" Right at this moment there is another knock on the heavensdoor and Petrus say "Only remarkable cases!" The deceased say: "Well, I dont know, I was just sitting -after a really hot adultery- totally naked in a fridge..." ardija - Sat Sep 10, 2011 10:35 am a man was driving his car and went through a red light. A police-man saw him and blew his whistle. The car stopped. The policeman walked over to the driver and said,"Didn't you see that red light?" And the driver said, "Yes, I saw it." So the policeman said, "Well, why didn't you stop?" And the driver said,"Because I didn't see you."
Dustydragon - Sun Sep 11, 2011 12:42 am Oh I thought I would play for the fun of it
*huggles* .... A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife. He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things." "Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness." The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables. He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?" He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply. He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?" She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!" ... thepossum1 - Sun Sep 11, 2011 6:34 pm Welcome dustydragon--the more the merrier!! Here's another that doesn't count: A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty! One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." Milee - Mon Sep 12, 2011 1:38 am This was a tough one this week. Everyone was very good. We decided that whenonlagain is the winner, YAAAH .
thepossum1 - Mon Sep 12, 2011 8:13 pm Here's one to start the week--doesn't count for contest: A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk." Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the cop. "Let's go." Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled." borracho - Tue Sep 13, 2011 12:59 am An apparent Drunken Cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in a posh Amarillo Theater. When the Usher came by and noticed him, he whispered to the Cowboy, "Sorry, Sir, but you're only allowed one seat." The Cowboy just groaned but didn't even budge. The Usher became more impatient and insistent: "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager." Once again, the cowboy just groaned. The Usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but without success. He just laid there in a dazed stupor. Finally they had enough and summoned the police. A Texas Ranger arrived, surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "Alright buddy what's your name?" "Sam," the Cowboy moaned. Where y’all from, Sam?" asked the Ranger. With terrible pain in his voice, a grim expression and without moving a muscle, Sam said, "The Balcony." Milee - Tue Sep 13, 2011 9:05 pm Hello Busters! There are some very good jokes in this thread and we would like to expand on the current weekly contest to also include a monthly one with a higher payout: 1. Weekly contest winners - 150 credits 2. Monthly contest winners - 900 credits The weekly contest doesn't change, but at the end of the month (judging done on the 1st of the following month) we will take all the weekly winners from that month and judge again on the best joke given between winners. We're right now in the middle of the month, so the monthly won't start until the 1st of October and the judging for that month will be on November 1st. This will continue on each month. Hopefully this will get more people involved. Nothing better to start the day then sitting down with a cup of coffee/tea and reading a joke thread .
I must remind everyone that anyone can post a joke (it's all good), but only Busters can be in the contest (for now anyway). Good luck to all !!!
P.S. I forgot to add that Busters in the contest can only enter one joke per week. Non Busters can post as many as they want
Ferrari - Wed Sep 14, 2011 5:31 am A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
whenonlagain - Wed Sep 14, 2011 9:54 am Keep the jokes family friendly ardija - Thu Sep 15, 2011 8:12 pm When mother reads the book called "the story of beautiful love", the younger sister of the primary schoolchild "shows" it and. Mother "is still early for you" A younger sister "is already late for mom"
whenonlagain - Fri Sep 16, 2011 9:38 am Post subject: well, another one ... A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don talk about their age. Youll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "Thats another thing women don talk about. Youll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friends house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mothers conversation. The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mothers drivers license. Its just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You are 32 years old." The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an F in sex." Ferrari - Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:10 am
OMG its a joke, sorry I will not disturb any longer in this topic....sighhh DemonicJ - Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:22 am
Ferrari, it was not your joke that was removed. Reread the Coc in regards to profanity etc again. Whenonlagain only had his post removed as a warning (profanity or bypass word filters). If you want a forum full of rude jokes etc, try google. The site does have younger members on it. whenonlagain - Sat Sep 17, 2011 7:53 pm lol "bypass a word filter"... NOOOO! I did not write the whole word cause I dont want that the children get the meaning!! Lag I removed that sentence. Jeanne Jeanne - Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:58 pm
Marga it wasn't Lag who said that, it was Jay saying it to Lag, your jokes are still welcome. Milee - Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:10 am Congratulations whenonlagain , your this weeks new winner .
thepossum1 - Mon Sep 19, 2011 8:01 am Congrats again lag! New one for this week--doesn't count: If Life Were Like A Computer: You could add/remove someone in your life using the control panel. You could put your kids in the recycle bin and restore them when you feel like it! You could improve your appearance by adjusting the display settings. You could turn off the speakers when life gets too noisy. You could click on “find” (Ctrl, F) to recover your lost remote control and car keys. To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"! If you mess up your life, you could always press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over! ardija - Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:52 pm Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts. 
whenonlagain - Tue Sep 20, 2011 6:55 pm Two elefants see a naked man for the first time. One says: "How will he get his food in the mouth?" Jeanne - Wed Sep 21, 2011 5:08 am Please guys remember the CoC and that we have children on the site, keep the jokes clean and above the belt before the admins have to close the thread on us. thepossum1 - Wed Sep 21, 2011 9:37 pm Here's another to get you laughing--doesn't count: When the power mower was broken and wouldn't run, a wife kept hinting to her husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in. Finally, she thought of a clever way to make the point. When her husband arrived home that day, he found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments when he came out again, he handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalks." Milee - Wed Sep 21, 2011 10:07 pm Good one!! Where do these come from? I've yet to see any that I've heard before .
Jeanne - Thu Sep 22, 2011 7:48 pm A woman found her husband stalking around with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" She asked. "Hunting Flies" He responded. "Oh. Killing any?" She asked. "Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?" He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone." WD4080 - Thu Sep 22, 2011 10:20 pm REMOVED Sorry guys the admins are giving me warnings for these type of jokes ... KEEP THEM CLEAN PLEASE Jeanne [ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:56 pm ] How old are these supposed CHILDREN 
And how many of them are there
My joke wasn't a lewd nasty joke. No 900 for me!
[ Added: Fri Sep 23, 2011 1:58 pm ] AND IT WAS FUNNY, TOO BAD YOU MISSED IT!!!!!!!! There are kids down to 11 yrs old here, just keep the jokes above the belt and all can have fun
Jeanne Milee - Fri Sep 23, 2011 9:28 pm Here is one of my favorites (doesn't count): A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot. "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed . "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The same people who would give the name Jesus to a Rottweiler." thepossum1 - Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:08 am
lol Google is my friend...and I swipe from friends' Facebook posts. haha Milee - Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:30 am Congratulations to our mighty Emp. Jeanne in this weeks joke contest . We have a winner 
Jeanne - Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:29 am Uhhh wee I won 
Mom always said never go through a woman's purse ..... until you're at least 3 blocks away
Pink - Mon Oct 03, 2011 5:55 am Might as well, since I did bother to join this forum (although there's not much else going on. :\) Heard this one recently: What do you call a physic midget that has escaped from prison? A small medium at large. ardija - Sat Oct 08, 2011 9:31 pm A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Milee - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:45 am Congratulations! This weeks winner is ardija
You are now entered into the monthly (Oct.) contest for 900 credits. Good luck !
Jeanne - Mon Oct 10, 2011 6:07 pm What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs never turn into men when drunk
Milee - Mon Oct 10, 2011 7:51 pm Here's one that doesn't count: Surprise A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned. The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared. The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table. The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. He just walked in."
whenonlagain - Tue Oct 11, 2011 2:29 pm An beldam says to the cemetery attendant: "Excuse me sir, where is the tomb 7 in row 5?" The attendant answers: "Well, secretly climb from the grave and then you can't find the way back home!" ardija - Sun Oct 16, 2011 8:07 am Post subject: Washington DC A teacher asked one of her pupils, "Can you name our nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC!" When asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil added, "Dot com!"
Milee - Mon Oct 17, 2011 1:03 am Congratulations ardija, you win again
whenonlagain - Tue Oct 18, 2011 8:04 am Post subject: I will start the new week: "So, Manfred" the teacher in Mathclass says "Your father walks with 4km/h from Munich to Augsburg. Your uncle starts an hour later. He walks with 5 km/h. Where do they meet eachother?" Manfred says instantly: "In the next bar, of course" WD4080 - Tue Oct 18, 2011 3:27 pm Two women were walking through the woods when a frog called out to them and said: "Help me, ladies! I am a stockbroker who, through an evil witch's curse, has been transformed into a frog. If one of you kiss me, I'll be returned to my former state!'" One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it in her handbag. The other woman, shocked, screamed, " Didn't you hear him? If you kiss him, he'll turn into a stockbroker!" The second woman replied, " Sure, but these days a talking frog is worth much more than a stockbroker!!" mlpvalley - Thu Oct 20, 2011 9:47 pm Post subject: my joke ok this is a Dutch joke so I hope I translated it right: A guy stops at a gas station, as he starts filling his car the tenant comes out. He looks on the back seat and sees 2 penguins. "Sir you have 2 penguins on your back seat!" The guy looks and says "Yeah your right, what should I do with them?" "Bring them to the zoo" the tenant says. The guy nods in approval. "Yeah I'll do that!" Two weeks later the same guy stops at the same gas station, and again starts to fill his car. The same tenant comes out and looks in the back. Again he sees the 2 penguins, but this time they have a little bucket with a shovel and sunglasses on. "Sir" the tenant says "I though you were going to take them to the zoo." "Yes" the guy says "and now I'm taking them to the beach!" Milee - Fri Oct 21, 2011 4:43 am Welcome mlpvalley! You translated just fine . Love to see new people come on board .
Milee - Mon Oct 24, 2011 1:15 am You guys made the judging difficult this week because the jokes were all good . We still have to have a winner, so it's going to be whenonlagain!
Of-course that means your in the big contest at the end of the month, congratulations !
One week left this month, so everyone get your jokes in
whenonlagain - Thu Oct 27, 2011 10:38 am Two farmer @ regulars' table: One says: "I had to mark all my animals with a ring in left ear last week. It was really far to much work!" Second says: "Oh I know, you have many cows, pigs and sheeps" First says: "Well, yes, but the worst was the bees" Milee - Fri Oct 28, 2011 6:26 pm Here's another that doesn't count .
A Police STOP at 2 AM An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?" The man replies, "That would be my wife." ardija - Sun Oct 30, 2011 5:47 am Teacher : Today we will read Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Class : But sir, our class has already finished reading Hamlet. Teacher : Oh!? Is this room 2B or not 2B? 
Milee - Mon Oct 31, 2011 1:25 am This weeks new winner is whenonlagain! Congratulations .
[ Added: Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:16 pm ]
This joke was the winning pick in the big monthly contest. for 900 credits! Congratulations to whenonlagain !!
whenonlagain - Wed Nov 02, 2011 12:36 pm Post subject: Thanks!!! next month - next try court hearing about custody battle: The woman says: "I should get the child, cause I was in agony during her birth." The referee say: "Thats true, any clashing of opinion?" The man says: "Well, honest judge. If you put a coin in a soda machine and get a coke. Who does that belong to? Is it yours or the one of the machine... " Milee - Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:48 pm Here's another one that doesn't count: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?' 'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?' He yelled back, ' University of Oklahoma ..' And they say blondes are dumb.
mourlimousin - Wed Nov 02, 2011 11:14 pm 
a new short story hope it will be pleased fo you\ ----------- a mother and daughter talk themselves, - Look, the mother says to her daughter, If you are wise, you'll go to heaven, and if you do not behave well, you'll go to hell. - And what should I do to go to the circus? -------------------------
mourlimousin [ Added: Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:55 pm ]
a new one if you pleased ---------------------------------- - Mom, Mom, the cabinet has fallen! - My God, you must tell your father! - He already knows, it is below. --------------------------------
see you mourlimousin
[ Added: Fri Nov 04, 2011 3:55 pm ]
a third one for your smiles ------------------------------------------- Two Martians are stopped at a red light. The light turns green. One of them exclaims: "You saw, he gave me a wink !" -------------------------- for your pleasure and your WE see you Mourlimousin
ardija - Sun Nov 06, 2011 8:38 am Q: Why are baseball players so rich? A: Because they play on diamonds!
Milee - Mon Nov 07, 2011 1:43 am Thanks everyone! This weeks new winner is Mourlimousin (your first joke) . Congratulations
Here's another to start off the week (doesn't count)
A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween Party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, So he writes to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later he received a parcel with the following note: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel and a note, which says: Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you should really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. Now the man is really upset since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the Company another nasty letter of complaint. The next day he gets a small Parcel and a note, which reads: Dear Sir, We have TRIED our very BEST. Please find enclosed a bottle of molasses and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your a** and go as a caramel apple. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co. WD4080 - Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:14 pm Another attempt.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the market, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock by, " Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, " No madam, they're dead."
mourlimousin - Mon Nov 07, 2011 7:21 pm
hello on this new week a new short story, if you pleased ------------------------------------ A woman comes into the kitchen and sees her husband with a fly swatter ... - What are you doing? He replies: - I chase the flies ... - Have you killed some? - Yes, 3 males, 2 females Intrigued, she asked: - How do you differentiate between females and males? He replies: - 3 were on the can of beer, two on the phone ------------------------------------
see you
mourlimousin [ Added: Mon Nov 07, 2011 9:32 am ]
i try an another one from Vancouver, a bit longer but cute i think
------------------------------------------------------------- A mother and a baby camel camel discuss things of life: - Mom, why is it that I have these huge feet with three toes? The mother camel answered: - Well, is not to sink, when crossing the vast desert. - Oh ... Okay, says the son. A few minutes later the son asks again: - Mom, why is it that I have such long eyebrows? - These are the eyebrows to prevent sand moving under the eyelids, during sandstorms. - Ah agree mom answers the son. A little later, the little camel asks again : - Hey Mom, why do we have this big lump on the back? The mother camel, bored by all these questions answered: - The bump we used to store water for our long runs in the desert. is thanks to her we can go without drinking for several tens of days! - i agree Mom: I understand, we have very wide feet so as not to sink into the sand, long eyebrows for not having eyes irritated by the sand, and a hump in order to store the water during long races in the desert ... But, Mom, tell me one thing ... - Yes, my son? - What are we doing here, in the Vancouver Zoo? ---------------------------------- see you
Mourlimousin
gratix - Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:46 pm So funny
Milee - Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:17 am We have a winner! Congratulations WD4080 .
Here's another joke to start off the week (doesn't count) .
THE BEST NON PARTISAN POLITICAL JOKE EVER!!!!!!!!! A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" "Terrorists have kidnapped Congress, and are asking for a $10 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire.We are going from car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "About a gallon". WD4080 - Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:09 am Milee, you have the best jokes I read so far!
Thanks for picking me as the winner last week. whenonlagain - Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:35 am Post subject: new week new joke atomic fission made easy: Give it to your wife and say: "Don't break it" Milee - Thu Nov 17, 2011 6:58 pm Your welcome WD4080 and thank you .
We have a new winner! Congratulations to whenonlagain !
whenonlagain - Tue Nov 22, 2011 12:33 pm Post subject: new week new joke Jesus walks in the desert and sees an old man. Jesus asks: "Why are you alone in the desert?" Old man says: "I am searching for my son." Jesus asks: "Can you describe him, maybe I have seen him." Old man says: "Well, he have nails in both hands and his feet." Jesus says: "Father!" Old man says: "Pinocchio!" Jeanne - Thu Nov 24, 2011 9:23 pm Not so much a joke but still ... HOW TO COOK A TURKEY: First, buy the turkey and a bottle of whiskey. Pour yourself a glass of whiskey and put the turkey in the oven. Take another 2 drinks of whiskey, and set the degree at 375 ovens. Have 3 more whiskeys of drink and turn the oven on. Take 4 whisks of drinky and turk the bastey. Stick a turkey in the thermometer, and glass yourself a pour of whiskey. Bake the whiskey for 4 hours, take the oven out of the turkey, and floor the turkey up off the pick. Pour yourself another glass of turkey. Now just tet the sable, and turk the carvey! =) Milee - Thu Nov 24, 2011 10:50 pm That's perfect Jeanne because today is Thanksgiving !
[ Added: Sun Nov 27, 2011 6:21 pm ] Congratulations to this weeks winner whenonlagain !
[ Added: Tue Nov 29, 2011 1:38 pm ] Here's another joke for the week (doesn't count) .
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough whenonlagain - Wed Nov 30, 2011 9:50 am Two mothers of teenage daughters talking: first says: "I am at the end of my nerves. I am done with the whole life. My daughter doesnt talk to me anymore." second says: "Me too. Cause my daughter tells me everything!" Milee - Thu Dec 01, 2011 5:05 am Congratulations to November's big winner whenonlagain ! Good job !
PaiGow - Sat Dec 03, 2011 8:37 am I really don't participate much in these contests, but I'll try one time... There once was a dynasty with a 50K click contest... The end. 
DemonicJ - Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:53 am
Thats no joke & the contest still stands for The Mob. Will take a bit of time to replace the members that were actively invited to leave the mob & join another dynasty, but The Mob is working on that & has the support of its allies while doing that. In the mean time, while we rebuild, we are enjoying seeing our allies do well as our alliance isnt about one team only. Sorry Click Busters for someones poor attempt to hijack your thread while taking a cheap shot at The Mob, but there just is no helping some people. Since im here let me add a Joke the joke is; PaiGow
Ferrari - Sat Dec 03, 2011 12:22 pm Lol and the winner is Demonic this time
Milee - Mon Dec 05, 2011 3:53 am Congratulations to this weeks winner (again) whenonlagain !
You win by default being the only entry. This is sad that only one person had a joke to tell  . Does anyone have any ideas on how to make this 'contest' more interesting and bring more people in??? Do we need bigger winnings or expansion to include other dynasties?? I'm open to suggestions .
I almost forgot. Here's another joke to start the new week (doesn't count): Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN [ Added: Thu Dec 08, 2011 7:13 pm ] Welcome To Our New Family Members
All of you are welcome to enter the Joke contests. We have weekly winners for 150 credits and monthly winners (best of the weekly winners) for 900 credits. One winner per week and one monthly winner. Good luck to all .
Jeanne - Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:24 pm
ROFL I second that
Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public. Some are genuinely mad. whenonlagain - Fri Dec 09, 2011 1:31 pm Post subject: lets start the contest ;) "Why do you cut something off the newspaper?" ask the waiter his guest cause its the newspaper of the tavern. The guest answers: "Sorry for that, but there is an article about a man how killed his wife because she is constantly looking through his suit pockets." The waiter ask further: "Yes, but what do you want to do with it?" "Thats simple" the guest answer "I put it in my pocket." DisturbedAngel - Sun Dec 11, 2011 9:00 am I'm not sure if this is going to count as a joke, but it should get some lols. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I cannot accept, And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they ticked me off. Milee - Mon Dec 12, 2011 1:23 am Congratulations to this weeks new winner DisturbedAngel !
It was a pretty good one and 'joke' just means anything funny. Your now entered into the monthly contest with winners picked on the 1st of each following month! Here's another one to start off the week (doesn't count): WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)
DisturbedAngel - Mon Dec 12, 2011 2:30 am Wow, I won? Awesome! Thanks guys.
I don't have any really big ones, but I do have a few smaller ones. We can't make the stupid people go away-who would we have to laugh at when they fall down? Lord, please put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth. I would love to have a battle of wits with you...but you appear to be unarmed. 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... anther playing football and the third one was caught reading this text message. I told my physiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Don't knock on Death's door. Instead, ring the doorbell and run. He hates that. Duct Tape is Like the Force...It has A light side or dark side and it holds the universe together. That's all I've got for now. I hope you get a lol from some of them.
Milee - Mon Dec 12, 2011 8:47 pm There will be a Christmas bonus of an extra 100 credits to make a even 1000 to the December winner. Get your funny jokes, sayings, or stories into the contest. Deadline is Dec. 31st with the winner of the monthly picked on Jan. 1st! That gives an extra entry date for the monthly pick. Because the 31st falls on a Sat., there will also be a weekly winner picked a day early on Jan. 1st (Sun. instead of Mon.) and we'll start a new week on Sun. this time only. That means you can post new jokes for the week starting on Sun. the 1st of Jan. .
orcachick2005 - Mon Dec 12, 2011 9:01 pm Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was furious. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. Heili - Mon Dec 12, 2011 9:22 pm "What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked. "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?" "Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice. "No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?" "Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out." DisturbedAngel - Mon Dec 12, 2011 10:58 pm I've got another one for you. A woman drops off her car at a repair shop. When she comes back to collect it the repairman says; "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." whenonlagain - Wed Dec 14, 2011 10:59 am A young, successful lawyer opened the door of his car a little careless. A truck come along and hits the door off the car. Excited, the attorney hops from one foot to the other: "My BMW, my brand new BMW." Meanwhile, a policeman arrived at the accident scene. Shaking his head, he goes to the lawyer: "You are so materialistic that you didnt remarked that your whole arm was cut off by the truck." Horrified, the lawyer looks at the stump and scream: "Noooo, where is my Rolex?" DemonicJ - Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:16 am "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray. Milee - Sat Dec 17, 2011 7:19 pm
Kinda makes you wonder. I read that TV commercials are made to be understood at a 4th grade level. I can't even guess what a product warning like this is leveled at  . Good one Jay!
Jeanne - Sat Dec 17, 2011 11:10 pm What was man trying to do when he discovered we can milk a cow? Milee - Sun Dec 18, 2011 3:02 am
Maybe his mother cut him off the breast to soon .
[ Added: Sun Dec 18, 2011 5:53 pm ]
This was a really tough one because the humor was great all the way around Congratulations to this weeks new winner orcachick2005
Here's another one to start the new week :
A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . Then he decided to Write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When The postal Authorities received The letter addressed to God, USA They decided to send it to President Obama. Obama was so amused that he Instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. He thought this would appear to Be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted With the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you Note to God, which read: Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington, D.C. and those A**holes took $95.00 in taxes. orcachick2005 - Wed Dec 21, 2011 7:35 am I won! Hooray! Here's another funny one.
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh, "let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box." luckystar - Thu Dec 22, 2011 8:03 am Congrats orca I love reading everyone's jokes/ funny things.
gratix - Thu Dec 22, 2011 9:53 am hahaha Orca Jeanne - Fri Dec 23, 2011 2:37 am She sends him a SMS message: - My dear, if you sleep send me your dreams, if you laugh send me your smile, if you cry send me your tears. I love you. He answers: - I’m on latrine duty. What do you want that I send to you? And some seasonal jokes: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What's an ig? An eskimo's home without a loo! Merry Christmas to all
Milee - Mon Dec 26, 2011 12:11 am Congratulations to this weeks new winner (again) orcachick2005. Great joke .
luckystar - Tue Dec 27, 2011 4:57 am Great job orca
whenonlagain - Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:15 am A man comes home really drunk and sees his wife with a besom. He asks: "Are you cleaning the floor or fly away?" orcachick2005 - Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:20 pm Squee! I won again! I'm running low on jokes... but here's another good one.
In a small Midwestern town, an enterprising businessman started construction on a new building to house a strip club he hoped to open, feeling there was a high demand for such a business in the town. The local church vehemently disagreed and, fearing for the souls of everyone in their town, started a campaign to block the strip club from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up until the week before opening when lightning struck the building and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the strip club owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this case. It appears that we have a strip club owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not." Milee - Sun Jan 01, 2012 5:19 am
Congratulations Orca, your this weeks winner !!
Congratulations for also being Decembers big winner Good job
[ Added: Sun Jan 08, 2012 4:55 pm ] No jokes for the week, so no winners .
[ Added: Mon Jan 09, 2012 3:00 pm ] Okay everyone, let's start off another week with a funny :
"The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends----if they're okey, then it's you." orcachick2005 - Thu Jan 12, 2012 5:14 am Squee! I won three weeks in a row! And the overall December contest! I'm out of jokes at the moment, but I'll try looking around to see what I can find. But it's no fun if I keep winning only because no one else has entered.
whenonlagain - Thu Jan 12, 2012 12:27 pm ähhm, I am no one? But yours were really much better then mines
----------------------- An internist says to his charge: "I am sorry, but I am not able to find a reason for your disease. Maybe its caused of the alcohol." The patient answers: "Well, OK, then I will be back if you are dry again." orcachick2005 - Sat Jan 14, 2012 3:27 am Perhaps I should have phrased that as, "It will be no fun if I enter this week and win because no one else has entered!" Because that's what I meant to say. Though I suppose now it doesn't count anymore because you've entered.
Love your joke, by the way.
luckystar - Sat Jan 14, 2012 6:31 am I have no good jokes
Milee - Sat Jan 14, 2012 7:38 pm
Try getting them from off the net. I've gotten almost all of mine from e-mails that friends have sent me . It doesn't even have to be a 'joke', just something with humor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [ Added: Sun Jan 15, 2012 6:54 pm ] Congratulations whenonlagain, your this weeks winner !
"
whenonlagain - Tue Jan 17, 2012 11:10 am Post subject: OK, another one: The minister of the interior in germany made an order that only new police officers will be appointed that have knowledge of foreign languages. Thats the job interview: Auditor: "Do you speak english ?" 1. Applicant: "Häää???" --> Failed Auditor: "Do you speak english ?" 2. Applicant: "Häää???" --> Failed Auditor: "Do you speak english ?" 3. Applicant: "Oh yes, I do" Auditor: "Häää???" Jeanne - Wed Jan 18, 2012 9:31 pm Last time I saw him he was wearing a blue sweater and an idiotic expression on his face ... the sweater was new. Milee - Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:45 am
Congratulations to whenonlagin for being this weeks winner
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's one to start off the week: My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now... whenonlagain - Wed Jan 25, 2012 11:25 am Teacher: "What is a turbot?" John: "A really flat fish." Teacher: "Right and do you also know why it is such flat?" John: "Cause he had sex with a whale." The teacher is horrified now and send John to the principal. John defend: "The teacher gives me such provocative questions every time, I think the next question will be 'why does the frog have such big eyes?'" Principal: "What? why?" John: "Cause the frog have seen it." Heili - Wed Jan 25, 2012 6:03 pm Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood. gratix - Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:23 pm
Milee - Mon Jan 30, 2012 2:05 am
Congratulations Heili for being the weeks new winner !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Here's another to start the new week: The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History: Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?" She sees a sea of blank faces, except for Little Akio, a bright Japanese foreign exchange student , who has his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775' he says. 'Very good!' Who said, 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?' Again, no response except from Little Akio: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863'. 'Excellent!', says the teacher continuing, 'let's try one a bit more difficult... ' Who said, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?' Once again, Akio's was the only hand in the air and he says: 'John F. Kennedy, 1961'. At this point, the teacher snaps at the class, 'Class, you should be ashamed of yourselves, Little Akio isn't from this country and he knows more about our history than you do.' She hears a loud whisper: 'F_ _ k the Japs,'. 'Who said that? I want to know right now!' she angrily demanded. Little Akio puts his hand up, 'General MacArthur, 1945.' At that point, a student in the back said, 'I'm gonna puke.' The teacher glares around and asks, 'All right!!! Now who said that!?' Again, Little Akio says, 'George H. W. Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.' Now furious, another student yells, 'Oh yeah? ******* this!' Little Akio jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, 'Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!' Now with almost mob hysteria someone says, 'You little s--t. If you say anything else, I'll kill you.' Little Akio frantically yells at the top of his voice, 'Michael Jackson to the children testifying against him, 2004.' The teacher fainted. As the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone says, 'Oh s--t, We're screwed!' Little Akio says quietly, 'The American people, November 4, 2008!' orcachick2005 - Mon Jan 30, 2012 8:08 am Congrats, Heili! I have finally found a joke!
Susan was traveling back to her hometown and, responding to Mother Nature, decided to pull over at one of those rest areas on the side of the highway. She went into the washroom. Finding the first stall to be taken, she went into the second stall and had just sat down when she heard a voice from the other stall. "Hi there, how's it going?" Susan was not the type to strike up conversations with strangers while sitting on the toilet in the restroom on the side of the road. She didn't know what to do, but finally she said, "Not bad." Then the voice said, "So, what are you doing?" At that point, Susan was starting to find the situation a bit weird, but answered back, "Well, I'm heading back east." Then she heard the person, all flustered, say, "Look, I'll call you back. Every time I ask you a question, the idiot in the next stall keeps answering me!" whenonlagain - Tue Jan 31, 2012 1:46 pm There is a hotel on fire in spain. The fireworkers hold a life net and the first tourist jump out of his window. Right before the tourist fell in, the fireworkers pull the rescue net away and scream "Olé!" The second tourist jumps and they do it again with a loud "Olé!" The third tourist is from austria and shout: "I dont trust you! Lay it down and all of you two steps back!" Milee - Wed Feb 01, 2012 1:09 am
Congratulations Heili, your January's big winner !!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I couldn't resist, this ones for you Jeanne :
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you." She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde." The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?" Jeanne - Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:14 am LOL yes I act like a Blond but I am a Brunette
Milee - Sun Feb 05, 2012 8:03 am You looked like a blond in your picture !
[ Added: Sun Feb 05, 2012 4:04 pm ]
Congratulations to you whenonlagin for being the weeks winner ! Good going!
whenonlagain - Tue Feb 07, 2012 1:42 pm Post subject: NEW WEEK Hello folks, Now I have to start with a new small laughter, that doesnt count. It doesnt count cause Milee left us, so I got asked if I will be the transitional Jokemaster. If you are interested in doing that job please ask someone of the leaderteam! Hope some of you will join that contest anyway! cu Lag Here we go: If life gives you just sour lemons... ...ask for salt and tequila! Heili - Tue Feb 07, 2012 7:30 pm New Virus Warning here is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. This virus is called Worm-Overload-Recreational-Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer- Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should forward this warning to 5 friends. If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life. gratix - Thu Feb 09, 2012 12:30 pm
LMAO whenonlagain - Mon Feb 13, 2012 9:14 am Post subject: NEW WEEK And the winner is: Heili with the viruswarning. Joke that doesnt count: Professor: "The postman is able to run 12km/h and the dachshund 16km/h. The way from the door to the fence will be 50m. When do the dachshund catch the postman? Please solve that graphical" Student: "I cant paint a dachshund." [ Added: Mon Feb 20, 2012 11:37 am ] This weeks winner: nobody Because nobody is perfect! [ Added: Mon Mar 19, 2012 2:15 pm ] CONTEST STOPPED Reason: No attendants for weeks More jokes are welcome, but no reward for it! ######################################## <<<<Warning: Dont try that at home!!>>>> A mans parakeet has a spleen. He always say: "I am a communist!" His holder tried everything to break that habit but nothing worked. Some day the man has to leave for a official journey and cant take his parakeet with him, so he left him in the refrigerator. After his return he takes a look in it and the parakeet is still alive. The parakeet just takes some hours to rewarm. But something is different the man thinks: The parakeet doesnt say any word. The man ask his bird: "Are you a communist?" And the bird answers: "Nooo, two days of Siberia... thats enough!" |
